Guests on this program were:
Bruce Boxleitner
Jimmy Kimmel
Leila Bate
Donald F. Carter
Bill's Opening
Bill: Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I know why they're in a good mood. The Grammys last night, the year of the woman. How about all those women winning?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I tell ya, Lauryn Hill was a big winner. The best newcomer went to the Dixie Chicks.
[ Laughter ]
Or as they're known in Washington, "future Jane Does six, seven and eight."
[ Laughter ]
Well, did you say Jane Doe last night? I guess you didn't if you're watching the Grammys.
[ Scattered applause ]
Oh, you did? People saw it. Well, yes, Juanita Broaddrick is the woman who is now accusing the president of really nasty business. She says -- and again, this is just what someone says. She says -- this is 21 years ago. He had her up to the hotel room for coffee. He likes hotel rooms.
[ Laughter ]
He bit her lip. Usually he bites his own. Okay.
[ Laughter ]
Then took her pantyhose off, was going out the door, put on his sunglasses, told her to put ice on her lip. Then the story gets weird. Apparently --
[ Laughter ]
Apparently, the next day, Clinton calls and asks if he left his cigar in her. Now, what the hell --
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Well, you have to remember, this is the '70s. And she says there was no physical evidence, which is good. Because the '70s, come on, how embarrassing for both of them if they come up with a stained leisure suit. That was --
[ Laughter ]
Well, apparently, the Republicans and the Democrats are trying to put all this impeachment stuff behind them. They're having a retreat this weekend in Hershey, Pennsylvania, the leaders of the parties are, to restore bipartisan civility.
[ Light laughter ]
Can you imagine this? Republicans and Democrats at this point on vacation pretending that bipartisanship is not dead. They're calling it "Weekend at Bernie's 3."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
And if you think the president is bad, get this. How about this story. A Boston doctor pleaded innocent in court today to sexual assault. Apparently, they're accusing him, get this, a woman came in with an arm injury -- an arm injury -- and he gave her a rectal exam.
[ Laughter ]
In his defense, he says he never knew his ass from his elbow. Anyway --
Panel Discussion
Bill: Let us meet our panel tonight. Our citizen panelist, oh, we have our citizen panelist tonight. Watches us on WPBI, Philadelphia. I was just there. Wonderful station. From the City of Brotherly Love, Donald F. Carter, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Applause ]
Hey. Hey, you look great.
Donald: Hi, Bill.
Bill: Thanks for coming.
Donald: Thank you.
Bill: She is a former Congressional aide. Her new project is the Political Club for Growth. Leila Bate. Leila.
[ Applause ]
There you are.
Leila: Hi, Bill.
Bill: Good to see you back. Thank you, hon. He's the co-host of "Win Ben Stein's Money" and "The Man Show," coming to Comedy Central this June, Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy?
[ Applause ]
How are you, my friend? Good to see you. And he's known all over the quadrant as Captain John Sheridan on the phenomenal "Babylon 5," Bruce Boxleitner right over here.
[ Applause ]
How are you?
Bruce: Bill, how are you doing?
Bill: Good to see you back here.
Bruce: Thank you.
Bill: All right. Well, let's talk about this Juanita Broaddrick because it is what is the big story. I thought we were done with Bill Clinton and his bad women ways. And it was bad enough when -- I mean, we know he's a horn dog. That's one thing.
[ Laughter ]
Leila: He's not just a horn dog, he's a sexual predator.
Bill: Well, you know what? That bothers me that you, who supposedly is on the side of, "Hey, we've got to uphold the rule of law," just go by an allegation. Is that not upholding the rule of law? How do you know he's a sexual predator?
Leila: This is one allegation of many.
Bill: Isn't it innocent until proven guilty?
Leila: This is one allegation of many.
Bill: But you don't care 'cause you just hate him.
[ Laughter ]
One allegation of many.
Leila: Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones.
Bill: So that makes someone guilty.
Leila: Let me ask you this, Bill.
Bill: That makes someone guilty. A lot of allegations.
Leila: Let me ask you this. Why was -- why was Bill Packwood found guilty.
Bill: Bob Packwood.
Leila: Well, whatever his name was.
[ Laughter ]
See, exactly. We all forgot about who is he now 'cause he was run out of town on a rail.
Donald: That was proven. Those allegations were proven. This is an allegation which only goes to the credibility of this Broaddrick woman. Now, 21 years ago, she was no dewy-eyed young girl like Monica. She was at least 30. So she had no real --
[ Laughter ]
Well, she's 51 now, right? So the bottom line is that she didn't have this, you know, this dewy-eyed attitude of romance. So she knew, the same way that that Washington girl knew when she went up to Tyson's room, that he was somebody to look --
Bruce: Wait, wait. So that excuses it?
Donald: No, it's not an excuse. But what I'm saying is that if you have foreknowledge of a situation which is not going to be pretty --
Leila: No, this is back when he was attorney general.
Donald: Why would you put yourself in that situation.
Leila: So he didn't have to --
Jimmy: Here's the thing.
Donald: And now it's still just an allegation.
Jimmy: This woman said he invited her up to his hotel room, or her hotel room for coffee.
Bill: For coffee.
Jimmy: Did you ever have the coffee in these hotel rooms?
[ Laughter ]
The powder, the worst.
Bruce: Same they have here.
Bill: But the point is that it's not a proven fact. And you are treating it as a proven fact because you're hate blinds you.
Bruce: But, Bill --
Leila: Excuse me, Bill!
Bruce: Bill.
Jimmy: Bill, she's wearing a Virgin Mary pendant on her neck.
[ Laughter ]
How can you say her hate blinds her?
Bruce: Hold it.
Bill: Right, well, I'm sorry.
Jimmy: The Virgin Mary always gives people a break.
Bill: When in this society --
Bruce: We're not talking about -- okay, if this was the only thing in all of Bill Clinton's story, you know, this was the only allegation that came out of all this. But there is a pattern here with the guy.
Bill: A pattern?
Bruce: A pattern. There's no --
[ Laughter ]
Bill: Go ahead.
Bruce: That's all I'm saying. I mean, I don't know how we're gonna get out of this because it is 21 years ago, and you can't prove it.
Bill: But you know what the pattern is with Bill Clinton?
Bruce: What is the pattern?
Bill: It's a pattern of a guy who is -- who does take no for an answer. It's not the pattern of a rapist.
Bruce: Well --
Bill: Silence in the room.
Bruce: Boy, oh, boy.
Donald: It was too insightful for everybody.
Jimmy: I've never seen him rape. I'll tell you that.
[ Laughter ]
Not once. Gee, he's on TV constantly.
Bruce: He is. When does he have time?
[ Applause ]
Leila: So you're saying that it's okay to bite her upper lip, causing it to bruise, rip her pantyhose, but as long as she says, "No," that's okay?
Bill: No, of course I'm not. I just saying that's what one person is saying, which you give full credibility for.
Bruce: More than one person.
Leila: More than one person. She has corroborating --
Bruce: She has corroboration from her husband as well as the --
Leila: Her co-workers.
[ Laughter ]
Why is that funny?
Bruce: Her husband.
Bill: She lied --
Jimmy: She was married at the time?
Bill: Well, she lied twice under oath.
Donald: Okay.
Bill: And the person she was having --
Leila: How many times has Bill Clinton lied under oath?
[ Laughter ]
Bruce: Thank you.
Bill: Is that the point here?
Leila: Sure it's the point. We're talking about whose story do we believe?
Bruce: We got two liars here.
Jimmy: And you believe the person you've never heard anything about before. Is that it?
Leila: I know that I don't believe Bill Clinton.
Jimmy: If she said this about George Bush, would you believe it?
Leila: I suspect --
[ Laughter ]
I'm suspect of his integrity.
Bruce: You know, if this was an accusation made to a Republican --
Jimmy: Yeah?
Bruce: He'd be hung by a tree by now.
[ Talking at once ]
Bruce: If Bill Clinton was a Republican, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He'd be in jail, out of the presidency. Everything.
Bill: Oh, stop it.
Bruce: Oh, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Bill: To call a guy --
Bruce: NBC held this story for two months.
Jimmy: It's sweeps now.
Leila: What's up with that?
Bruce: What's the real story? And then puts it on opposite the Grammys? Talk about --
Leila: That's pretty convenient, isn't it?
Bruce: Very convenient.
Donald: You're talking about post-impeachment and trial rapprochement. You now, that bipartisan civility that you mentioned. Well, to have aired that would have been -- would have just reignited the fire. There's at least --
Leila: Is that an excuse to withhold evidence?
Donald: What evidence?
Bill: Right.
Leila: No evidence?
Donald: There was an allegation. They didn't withhold evidence.
Leila: Evidence that was supposedly brought over with the Starr Report that was supplemental evidence. It was part of the 2,000 documents.
Donald: I'm saying that a handful of --
Leila: 2,000 pages of documents.
Donald: Senators were shown this and that they did perhaps change their --
Bruce: It influenced their --
Donald: But the bottom line is it's a moot point now.
Bill: It's not a moot point because he's the president. He's still a citizen. He's still a person. In this country, aren't you innocent until proven guilty?
Bruce: Always.
Bill: It's one thing to call a guy a horny guy.
[ Laughter ]
It's one thing to say he's a liar. To accuse someone of rape, that is a heinous crime.
Bruce: Murder and rape.
Leila: This isn't the first person to accuse him of rape.
Bill: What happened?
Leila: She's Jane Doe Number Five. So she's not the first person to accuse him of rape.
Jimmy: Who are the other four by the way, these Jane Does?
Bruce: They'll be out.
Leila: I guess they didn't have a Stone Phillips interview.
Bill: They didn't accuse him of rape, the other Jane Does.
Leila: Okay, well --
Bill: You see the way you just want to believe the worst.
Leila: I have no idea who these Jane Doe people are.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Bill: But don't you see that?
Leila: I have no idea. Bill, this is the first I heard of it. I mean, this is late-breaking news. I thought this was all behind us.
Jimmy: And she believes it already.
Bruce: I wanted it to be behind us.
Leila: I thought it was all behind us.
Jimmy: Oh, you people don't want it to be behind you. Please.
Leila: Hey, believe me, I want to cut taxes.
Jimmy: You love every minute of it.
Bruce: "You people!"
Leila: I don't want to have to deal with the president's sex life. I was up on the hill all year last year.
Jimmy: What hill?
Leila: The Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.
[ Laughter ]
Bruce: I'm a mountain.
Jimmy: You and the Hill, please. Real people don't talk like that.
Leila: Can I tell you that there was never a demoralizing time in my life.
[ Laughter ]
Jimmy: The only hills I'm concerned with I put the parking brake on.
Bill: All right. I have to take a commercial.
Announcer: Join us tomorrow when our guests will be -- Eric Roberts, Dick Morris, Karen Finley and Reverend Matt Hale.
[ Applause ]
Bill: All right, I was talking to some people in Oregon recently, 'cause I'm going up to Portland next month to get another one of our citizen panelists. I hope he's as good as you are, Donald. And you know, there's a controversy up there because the University of Oregon wants -- the gay students there want their own dorm, which is not unheard of. Here in California, there are a number of colleges who have gay dorms. I would be against this because I think college is a place for diversity, not for segregating yourselves. I think that's against what the idea of college is.
Donald: But I think that the bottom line on this one is, we're talking about a group which is universally maligned, which --
Bill: No, they're not.
Donald: Which people still think, as opposed to last night when you said that fat people were the last bastion of discrimination, gay people --
Bill: No, I said smokers were.
Donald: Well, okay, well, yeah, the other one --
Jimmy: Fat smokers are really discriminated against.
Donald: In this case, gay people tend to be focused on -- gay bashing is very real. All you have to do is ask Matthew Shepard's mother. Bottom line is these students want to be in an environment in which they feel safe, in which they don't have to sacrifice any of their personal lifestyle because the mainstream society, even in college, especially in college, I mean, these are kids coming out of high school, God knows the horrors of high school for anybody, but they're coming out of high school. And they're going into college, and there they need to have some sort of bonding. And I think that this is a very valid request. Blacks did it in the '70s. There were black dorms. Nobody got too bent out of shape about it.
Bill: Okay.
Jimmy: And they get to shower together, which is the best thing.
[ Laughter ]
Donald: Right, and it keeps them away from the jocks and the cheerleaders, who will say, "They're looking at me."
Leila: No, listen, if -- you make the point that it's good for them because they're protected. But what about the rest of us? I mean, how are average people ever going to break a prejudice if they're seen as something that's separate and secluded.
Donald: You know what? They should try thinking, and that will break the precedent. Nobody needs a black person in their life to get out of being bigoted. All they need to do is think about how bigoted they are.
Leila: But you know, people think by experience.
[ Applause ]
People think by experience.
Donald: No, no. Sorry.
Jimmy: What's the big deal if gay people want to live together. There will be a tastefully decorated dorm.
Donald: Exactly. Hanging plants, a breakfast nook, color coordinated.
Jimmy: Very nice. Good luck trying to get a pizza.
Bill: I must take issue with you, Donald. I takes more than thinking. Unfortunately, we're humans. We're not Vulcans. We're not that advanced.
Donald: You always say that, Bill. That's not an excuse.
Bill: You need actual experience to change the thing.
Leila: Yes, you do.
Bill: You need to meet -- people need to meet all different --
Bruce: I do agree with that.
Jimmy: Bill, if you got to shower with Playmates when you were in college, you'd have, like, three master's degrees. That's what it's like for Donald in a gay dorm.
Donald: I'll drink to that.
Jimmy: Put them up at every school, call them "Sodomy Manners."
[ Laughter ]
[ Talking at once ]
Leila: I thought it was about education.
Bill: What's that, Leila?
Leila: When was college ever about sex? I thought it was about education.
Bill: Oh, please.
[ Laughter ]
Jimmy: She's wearing the virgin Mary pin.
Leila: Listen, listen, okay, maybe I am a little --
[ Talking at once ]
Leila: That's what?
Bill: The most Republican thing you've ever said.
[ Laughter ]
Leila: But the thing is, the resources that would have gone to building this dorm could be used to --
Jimmy: Are they building a new one?
Leila: Meet the needs of a more diverse group of students. I mean, unless the University of Oregon has an unlimited budget, they do have to make decisions about where they send their money.
Bill: This is college. We shouldn't have gay dorms, black dorms.
Leila: I agree with you.
Bill: You know what they have now? They have music dorms. They have substance-free dorms, health and fitness dorms, cyber dorms.
Jimmy: Smoking dorms, nonsmoking.
Donald: It's the '90s. It's the '90s now.
Bill: Well, the '90s suck then.
[ Laughter ]
Donald: And we've heard so much about sucking lately, with not only our president --
Bruce: Let's put those things away. We're almost out of the '90s. We're not even in the '90s anymore.
Bill: Right.
Bruce: It could be a little more enlightened. I really think this -- it is, the separatism is constantly just dividing this country and the people.
Bill: Right.
Donald: It's a reflex of the needs of America.
Bruce: Everyone's screaming, "What about me, what about me?"
Bill: Right.
Bruce: What about all of us?
[ Applause ]
Donald: It's a reflex about the need of America to do that.
Bill: Okay.
Donald: You're not getting too much of an argument from me on that one. But the bottom line is everybody is talking about entitlements, and everybody's talking about responsibility -- not taking responsibility and the consequences of their actions. However, if a group says, "We would like to be by -- not even by ourselves, just together within the greater context," what's wrong with that?
Bill: I've got to take responsibility and go to a commercial.
Bill: All right, if you saw the Grammys last night, they mentioned that Garth Brooks, who's, you know, one of the big superstars in music, probably one of the top-five sellers I'm sure, has taken at least a year off to try to play baseball.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. He's in his mid-30s. And he's trying out with the San Diego Padres. And he's -- something about living a dream. And --
[ Laughter ]
Bruce: In the field.
Bill: You know, I think a lot of people are saying, you know what, pal, you've got one dream, really big.
Bruce: Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Bill: And now you're taking the spot of somebody else, because you're a celebrity, I'm sure they're grandfathering in.
Bruce: Yeah, yeah.
Bill: And you know, is this right, when you've already had one big dream, to hog the --
Jimmy: He's no fatter than Tony Gwynn, I tell you that.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, the Padres could probably use him. But it does seem -- it seems troubling how the athletes and the entertainers are all kind of merging into one. I don't want to see Garth Brooks on the Padres. I don't want to see Master P on the Charlotte Hornets.
[ Laughter ]
I especially don't want to see Paul Newman out driving race cars.
Bruce: Not anymore.
Jimmy: The man is like 175 years old, he shouldn't be driving golf carts.
[ Laughter ]
I don't want Shaq acting in movies. I don't want Dennis Rodman --
Bruce: Oh, please, please.
Jimmy: And Jean-Claude Van Damme. Everybody stay in their own thing. It's good enough. No one's happy with what they do.
Bruce: Look what happened to Michael Jordan when he wanted to play for the White Sox.
Bill: If he couldn't do it --
Bruce: It was embarrassing.
Jimmy: Yeah.
Bruce: He's the greatest basketball player ever. That's true.
Jimmy: Yeah.
Bruce: But stick to the act.
Bill: But if Michael Jordan couldn't go from basketball, which is somewhat close to baseball, can you really go from folk singing to baseball?
[ Laughter ]
Bruce: Absolutely. No. No.
Donald: He could be a renaissance man like --
Bill: Like King Henry VIII?
Leila: Yeah, right.
Bill: The last renaissance man I remember.
Donald: Yeah, well, he could be a Leonardo. I mean, after all. But I don't mean DiCaprio.
Bill: It's doubtful.
Donald: But the bottom line still is if you build it, they will come. You know, the line goes. If he tries and he succeeds, at least he has stated that he will --
Jimmy: He won't though. It's a joke.
Donald: He will donate his salary to a children's charity. Now, he's got umpteen millions of dollars from singing he can afford to give up. But can that young guy who's coming in.
Bill: He's indulging his ego.
[ Applause ]
Donald: Who doesn't indulge their ego?
Bill: Who doesn't indulge their ego by playing for the Padres?
Jimmy: Yeah.
Donald: I don't know from baseball.
Leila: Bill, he may be indulging his ego. But, I mean, there's another side to this. And that's the Padres. Their indulging his ego as well.
Bill: Yes.
Leila: Because guess what? It means big bucks for them.
Bruce: Big bucks.
Bill: Well, yeah.
Bruce: The Padres probably need it.
Donald: I have no problem with him doing that. Do you?
Bruce: The Yankees do not.
Leila: No, I mean, it's capitalism at its best.
Jimmy: Garth Brooks is a fat, old guy who is not going to make San Diego Padres.
Bill: Exactly.
[ Laughter ]
Jimmy: And for them to give up a spring training spot, where they're supposed to be evaluating talent, where a guy like Mike Piazza, for instance, who was drafted like 600th or something.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jimmy: Who maybe, you know, some fat country star would have taken his spot.
[ Laughter ]
Bill: We have to take a break. We'll be right back.
Bruce: Maybe Mike Piazza would trade with him.
Bill: All right. Since this show is called "Politically Incorrect," we, every once in a while, like to highlight the stupid lawsuits that people seem to think that every time one of their loved ones does something dumb, someone has to pay. Here's the latest, and maybe you'll disagree, but somebody tipped over a soda machine and got killed by it.
[ Gasps ]
You know, people -- he was going for an Orange Crush.
[ Laughter ]
So he's suing, the father is suing for $500,000, all in quarters. No. I'm kidding.
[ Laughter ]
I don't mean to make light of this. I guess I do, because in 18 years, there have been 37 deaths from soda machine tippings.
Bruce: What?
Bill: Yes, 37 people --
Jimmy: Cow-tipping for the '90s.
Bill: Is this not just thinning the herd?
Jimmy: Absolutely. This is Darwinism.
Bruce: This is Darwin for sure.
Donald: Got my vote on that.
Jimmy: Let me tell you, if these kids are so hyperactive that they're climbing on top of soda machines, wait till they get the caffeine in them. A couple Mountain Dews.
[ Laughter ]
Believe me.
Donald: It's a good argument for Ritalin, that's for sure.
Jimmy: We can do without them.
Leila: Ritalin.
Bill: Right.
Donald: Bill, come on, they expect that they put a sign on the machine saying, "Do not tip."
Bill: They want to do that now, yes.
Donald: I mean, that's like those desiccants that they get in the pill bottle to keep the moisture out.
Jimmy: "Do not eat."
Donald: Right. "Do not eat." Now, what clown is going to eat them? So what clown is climbing on a machine?
Leila: Heavy objects may cause bodily harm if they fall on you.
Bill: Yeah.
Bruce: That's a shoo-in.
Donald: Stupid people are allowed in this country, however, they shouldn't be allowed to win lawsuits.
Bill: Thank you.
Donald: If anything, they should be given some re-education in a camp somewhere.
Bill: That's why we want a citizen. The voice of reason. All right, tomorrow, we' re gonna Eric Roberts -- oh, good, I love Eric Roberts -- Dick Morris -- oh, Dick Morris. Karen Finley and the white supremist, Reverend Matt Hale. ---
Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher
Executive Producers
Scott Carter
Bill Maher
Nancy Geller
Senior Producer
Douglas M. Wilson
Supervising Producer
Kevin Hamburger
Created By Bill Maher
Directed By Michael Dimich
Writing Supervised By Chris Kelly
Writers
Doug Abeles
Bill Kelley
Bill Maher
Billy Martin
Chuck Martin
Ned Rice
Danny Vermont
Scott Carter
Associate Director Nancy Ortenberg
Stage Manager Patrick Whitney
Executive in Charge of Production John Fisher
Executive Producers
Brad Grey
Bernie Brillstein
Marc Gurvitz
©1999 Follow Up Productions
Return to Library